Holding Space: Meeting the Space Holder Archetypes

In one of the best descriptions of holding space, Parker Palmer said:

“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed – to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.”

 The question is, how do we do that?

I describe holding space as an art, a craft and a skill. This is my attempt to capture the unique artistry of an individual meeting themselves or another in those moments of sweetness and sourness, in grief and gratitude or in joy and despair. It is my attempt to articulate that companioning oneself or others flows from crafting connection and trust. It is also my attempt to acknowledge that with willingness, practice and reflection we can learn the skills of a space holder such as deep and present listening.

Holding space for myself is a daily devotional practice. I weave it into my morning ritual, whilst I’m journaling, listening to River tell me his stories, walking in the woods and paddling in the river. I take my time to become fully present with myself and my surroundings before I write, sit with a client, start an interview or hold a circle. It is not a one-off act, but an ongoing tuning in, noticing and reflecting.

Holding space can be a complex process. It evolves as we practice it, and although the path may be unique to each person and each situation, in my experience there are repeating patterns of behaviour that show up for us as Space Holders.

I have loved exploring “archetypes” and seeking to understand those that are active in my life and work. In doing so I draw on Carl Jung’s definition of archetypes as images and themes that derive from the collective unconscious, together with the writing of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Sharon Blackie, Danielle Dulsky and Toko-pa Turner.

In Belonging, Toko-pa Turner says “In the act of connecting to archetypes we feel the spark of vitality, a hint of life, a tiny becoming. We begin to remember who we were before we fell under the enchantment. We trace back to our root purpose, when we were engaged and alive, when we were our best selves.”

Through my own exploration with archetypes and recognising these repeating patterns for Space Holders, I created a framework to help us deepen into our understanding of who we are as a Space Holder and to meet “our best selves” in this role.

This framework consists of 7-Space Holder Archetypes based on my experience of holding circles, the behaviours that I’ve witnessed in Circle and what Circle Holders have shared with me. I share this with the invitation to use this framework to support yourself and your work. These aren’t written in stone; they are breathable and changeable. Please use your discernment to adapt them to suit your needs rather than as labels. They are a tool in cultivating self-awareness and recognising patterns of behaviour in others.

I offer these 7-archetypes with a Guardian and Shadow form. When we are responding from the Guardian form we are acting from our root purpose, from our best selves. When we are reacting from the Shadow form, we are coming from a part of ourselves that has been wounded or rejected. When we are aware of our behaviours we can identify whether we are acting from the healed, whole part of us or from the shadow aspect. It is important to remind ourselves that this shadow aspect is not “bad”, it is a part of us that is calling for loving attention and care.

The 7-archetypes in both forms are:

  • Maiden / Indulger
  • Mother / Fixer
  • Wild Woman / Avoider
  • Medicine Woman / Wounded Healer
  • Muse / Validator
  • Wise Woman / Adviser
  • Priestess / Saviour

You may find these descriptors self-evident and I hope they are helpful. In PRESENCE, my holding space immersion we explore these in detail through a guided process to identify which are currently active within you.

As we deepen our understanding of the Guardian form we can embody those qualities which support us to hold safer, compassionate and courageous spaces. Those qualities include:

  • Maiden – supports us to demonstrate vulnerability and not be afraid for ourselves or others
  • Mother – has the capacity to see people’s magnificence
  • Wild Woman – can hold the tension of paradox
  • Medicine Woman – sees people as whole and guides them within for answers
  • Muse – is compassionate without offering platitudes
  • Wise Woman – can share from her lived experience and inner wisdom
  • Priestess – facilitates a process where transformation can occur

As we recognise the Shadow form at play, we can meet it with tenderness and explore further. These traits may show themselves as:

  • Indulger – takes pleasure in the other person’s struggle or pain
  • Fixer –  wants to fix “the problem”
  • Avoider – renders the other person’s experience void by dismissing, distracting or ignoring
  • Wounded Healer – sees the other person as broken or deficient in some way and that they can heal them
  • Validator – offer opinion or judgments in agreement
  • Adviser – gives unsolicited advice
  • Saviour – seeks to rescue

As I’ve shared, this is a framework. It is intended to be helpful. This isn’t about aspiring to be a perfect Space Holder.

In my experience, each of us will have a natural tendency towards one (or more) Shadow and Guardian aspect. I invite you to see it as a spectrum and where you are on that spectrum may change in different circumstances.

Having an awareness of these archetypes can helps us to understand where we can deepen our capacity to hold space for ourselves and others and also to recognise these in other people which can be useful when you’re collaborating with someone or facilitating groups!

When you do recognise a shadow aspect has played out, ask yourself:

Did I get a sense of value or worthiness from fixing / healing / saving?
Did I make assumptions based on relatively small amounts of information and felt that I had the right to share my opinion / advice?
Why did I think I knew best? (when holding space for someone else)
Was I attached to a certain outcome? What was that and why?

Often, the urge to fix, heal, save,  is a reflection of our own fears, challenges, pain and unhealed trauma. It’s important to seek the appropriate professional support and guidance where we can recognise this.

At the heart of my approach to holding space, is the belief that how we hold space for ourselves is reflected in how we hold space for others. If we can meet ourselves with presence, tenderness, compassion, courage, willingness, curiosity and love then we have a far deeper capacity to hold safer spaces for others.

 

People don’t need to be fixed or saved or rescued.
They need to know their sovereignty and how to access their own power.
Anon

 

PRESENCE 2022 is currently open for enrolment and we begin on June 21st. This is the immersion into deepening our capacity to hold space for ourselves so that we hold space for change. You can find all the details here. I would love to welcome you across the threshold.

My First Women’s Circle

As I entered the space, the heat and closeness of the air, the tinge of red in the light from the scarlet canvass, gave the impression of a waterless womb.

There were red rugs, red throws, red cushions, scattered everywhere. It was uncomfortably intimate. I nervously took my place on a cushion, my self-conscious face matching the furnishings.

The tent filled with women speaking in hushed tones; their wisdom and confidence shone forth from their whole beings. I was an imposter, completely out of my depth. We were seated in a Circle and following a guided mediation, the sharing began.  Each woman took her turn to share a birth story; her own, the birthing of her children, or a birth she had witnessed. As we went around the Circle, there were no interruptions, no opinions or advice offered. I listened to the experiences and feelings of these women and I felt my anxiety and nerves fade into the red-tinted air. I began to grasp the sacredness of this time and space. I heard intimate details of the birth of their children and listened to the retelling of their own births from family memories that had been passed down. They gave words to the pain and ecstasy of childbirth, to the joy of a new baby and to the devastation of loss, and the grief that follows. As we went around the Circle, there were no interruptions, no opinions or advice offered. I listened to the experiences and feelings of these women and I felt my anxiety and nerves fade into the red tinted air. I began to grasp the sacredness of this time and space. I heard intimate details of the birth of their children and listened to the retelling of their own births from family memories that had been passed down. They gave words to the pain and ecstasy of childbirth, to the joy of a new baby and to the devastation of loss, and the grief that follows.  I saw the interconnectedness of life woven together word by word by each woman.

I hardly knew these women and yet I trusted them completely to witness me without judgment.

I had never felt an overwhelming urge to be a mother, I just assumed that I would be. My first pregnancy was ectopic. My second pregnancy was a silent miscarriage. And now, at 38 and in the early stages of my third pregnancy, it wasn’t a given at all. With one hand on my tiny bump, I shared. Through the process of using my voice without self-censoring, without fear of criticism or judgment, I was empowered to unburden myself. I was able to share the beliefs that had bought me to this point. I delivered into this sacred sanctuary, both my fear of losing this third pregnancy, and my fear of giving birth. I was seen and heard with love and compassion and this had a powerfully transformative effect on me and my pregnancy. I left that Circle with a renewed sense of my own power; I knew that I had to take self-responsibility for my pregnancy and to free myself from beliefs that were clearly not serving me.

Sitting in this Circle of women was the medicine that I hadn’t known I needed.

In the following months, I became a mother and opened an organic cafe with my partner. As the complexities of life with a baby and a business took over, I remembered being held and witnessed in that first circle and craved the deep connection and acceptance that I was wrapped in. And so it was, that I found myself one Sunday afternoon sitting on the floor of our cafe with six slightly nervous women. Those first tentative steps led to me facilitating regular Circles in-person and online and creating Circle School to help others to hold Circles in their communities.

I remain in wonder and gratitude that birthing my son, set me on my path as a Circle Holder.

This was 9 years ago and since then, Circles have given me so much as I continue to dance with motherhood, running a business, my recovery through PTSD, living with chronic pain and all the opportunities and challenges that life presents. How was your first Circle experience? I would love to hear about it. And if you’re looking for a Circle to attend, please follow me on Instagram where I share upcoming Circles held by members of Circle School. Embracing our wild hearted magic and the medicine of Circles. Mitlé xx

What Circles and Fungi have in common

“Whenever we tend to a single strand, we are participating in the care of the whole.” Mirabai Starr, Wild Mercy

Alice’s adventures in Wonderland begin with her falling down a rabbit hole and include her eating from the infamous toadstool with its’ cream coloured stripe and scarlet cap spotted with white scales. Spotting a Fly Agaric (or Amanita mascara) in the shadow of a Silver Birch on an autumn woodland walk took me down my own rabbit hole into the wonderful realm of mushroom-forming fungi.

After over a decade of living in Australia, my memories of British landscapes and their inhabitants had faded whilst I learnt new plants, new animals and new seasons. Now, back in the UK and making a new home in Devon amidst the restrictions and lockdowns of a global pandemic, I found myself with the time and space I craved to reconnect with the land of my ancestral lineage and cultural heritage.

As a Circle Holder, I am a space holder, facilitator and ceremonialist. My guiding philosophy is that Circles are not something we do, but who we are. By which I mean, that what we learn and experience in the Circle process, offers us a guiding map for how we live our lives in relation to each other and the more than human world.

I was reading fairytale stories, local myths and folktales, learning to identify trees and herbs and undertaking a Celtic Studies course. As I walked through local woodlands I was seeking to embody what I was learning and deepen my capacity as a gatherer of people, a guardian of this ancient circle tradition and modern circle movement, and a guide for those who wish to attend or hold circles.

If you are unfamiliar with attending Circles, I invite you to imagine gathering in a physical Circle with a group of humans (around a fire or a boardroom table) with a shared intention and purpose. Guided by a Circle Holder, you experience a deep connection with the other participants, you feel held by the circle energy, you share in collective ritual, you contribute a part of your story or an idea or your desires and are witnessed with love and compassion and acceptance. When the Circle closes, you are not quite sure what just happened, but you are changed and know that there has been a ripple in the field instigated by that experience.

I am on a quest to develop a Circle philosophy that supports us to reimagine our world.

I see the potential of Circles to provide us with an equitable, restorative and regenerative way of inspiring and creating connection and cooperation between humans. I hold a vision that Circles can be embraced by organisations, businesses, institutions and governments, as a process for reclaiming our innate capacity to communicate, collaborate and co-create, and meet our collective need for connection and ceremony.

The Celtic Mystery Tradition includes the three cauldrons of transformation, rebirth and inspiration. And on that woodland ramble, I was contemplating whether circles could offer us the cauldron we need.

In the time of a global pandemic, on the brink of the Anthropocene (or sixth) Extinction and in a world increasingly divided by conflict, the mushroom that caught my eye that day, symbolised how easy it is to privilege the seen over the unseen.

The striking scarlet and cream cap is the fruit body of a partnership between a huge underground network of hyphae working cooperatively. This was an invitation to gently dig deeper beneath the surface of my vision.

The hyphae are thin thread-like formations which form masses and create mycelial networks through the complex process of branching, fusing and homing. The hyphae need to find each other and they need to form relationships with other species. Through this process they break down and recycle nutrients from rotting trees, leaf litter and soil, many also work in partnership with trees and insects, and others are parasitic.

In the case of the Fly Agaric and the Silver Birch Tree, the fungus obtains its energy from the photosynthetic reactions in the tree’s leaves, and the tree receives nitrogen and phosphorous from fungal action in the soil in an association known as mycorrhiza. In this way, both the fungi and the trees survive and thrive as species, and support other species to do the same.

As modern-day humans, we are wired for connection with the capacity to cooperate with one another. The first wave of humans to move out of Africa were brought to the brink of extinction. The theory for their survival and subsequent successful migration across the world is that they learnt to prioritise their relationships with each other by forming family groups, tribes and clans, and learning how to work together.

The issue we seem to be facing in our current worldview is that we have forgotten (or are choosing to ignore) this and the dominant patriarchal culture engenders an environment of separation, oppression and harm.

Although we cannot know the importance of Circles in the societies of our ancestors, based on archaeological evidence from the middle and upper Paleolithic periods in Europe, we know that humans have been gathering for spiritual and ritual purposes for thousands of years.

When we look at living cultures around the world and the modern-day women’s circle movement, we see that they bring us together for a shared intention and meaningful purpose. As we gather in this way and share our stories, witness each other, partake in ritual and ceremony together, connect to the earth, sing and dance, we have an embodied experience of connection. They contribute to confirming the collective identity and contributing to community governance.

To make my vision a reality, I am continually learning more about the origin and architecture of Circles and the systems they can function within. This includes cultivating a deeper understanding of our interconnectedness with all beings and learning from our ancestral legacies.

In Emergent Strategy, Adrienne Maree Brown shares an organisation called Complex Movements; a Detroit-based artist collective supporting the transformation of communities by exploring the connections of complex science and social justice movements through multimedia interactive performance work.

They use an emblem system for learning the properties of nature and how they can be applied to our work. One of those emblems is mycelium, representing interconnectedness, remediation and detoxification.

When we come together in Circle we are remembering an ancient way of being; we instinctively recognise that this is how humans have come together throughout the world for thousands of years. We are reclaiming a way of being in community together and in relationship with each other which stirs a remembering of our interconnected relationship with all beings.

In the context of my work and drawing on the Celtic Mystic Tradition, Fungi and their mycelial networks act as a metaphor for the importance and potency of Circles for humans. Circles provide a process for the transformation of interconnectedness from an intellectual or spiritual concept to a lived understanding, for inspiration to collaborate and co-create remedies for our social and environmental challenges, and for cooperation and mutual empowerment to rebirth outdated systems into collaborative and regenerative practices.

As a Circle Holder, storytelling, traditional practices, ritual and ceremony are integral elements of my work. The striking scarlet and cream cap of the Fly Agaric is often depicted in books of fairytales with fairies and elves, lands of magic, adventurous heroes and heroines, and resilient villains. Seeing them always transports me through a portal to the Enchanted Forest, or to Baba Yaga’s house on chicken legs or to Wonderland.

In Alice in Wonderland, it is the mushroom that has the power to change her size, and it is an easy assumption that this is in acknowledgement of its’ psychoactive and hallucinogenic effects. Although in current mushroom field guides it is very definitely marked as poisonous and not to be ingested in any form, it must also be remembered that it has been revered as a ceremonial plant medicine in the British Isles. It was traditionally dried and made into a tea or smoked for rituals and ceremonies. There are stories of the Celtic Druids taking great care in its preparation and fasting before taking it. (This does of course come with a disclaimer “please don’t try this at home”).

My woodland walk with this beautiful mushroom as my guide took me into a world of interconnection, systems theory, network neuroscience, emergent phenomena, innovation, entanglement, communication, mystical experiences and collaboration.

The Biomimicry Institute states that biomimicry is about “valuing nature for what we can learn, not what we can extract, harvest, or domesticate. In the process, we learn about ourselves, our purpose, and our connection to each other and our home on earth.”

I believe that we can apply this principle to fungi and their interconnected relationships in woodlands, in many more ways than I have scope for here. However, what I have learnt is that we are only as powerful as our connections, we are only as strong as our community and we are only as resourceful as our capacity to cooperate. There are many ways to gather in Circle, but at their heart is connection and cooperation and this is what we collectively need.

That striking Fly Agaric pushing up through the earth served not only as a metaphor for Circles, but as a symbol of all that is magical, enchanting, mystical and wondrous in the world. It gifted me an illustrative reminder to listen to the land we live on and ground our Circle practices within our own cultural heritage, reclaim the stories and ceremonies of our ancestral lineage and reimagine them for these times.

Circles offer us a space to deepen into the innate value of connection, relationships and cooperation, so that we may reach across that which divides us and remind ourselves that we are one human family entwined with all beings. Think of the hyphae strands reaching out underground connecting, fusing and co-creating and hold in your imagination a scarlet cap, white scales and cream coloured stalk and see where it guides you.

Bibliography:

Brown, A.M., Emergent Strategy, (Chico, Edinburgh, AK Press, 2017)

Sheldrake, M., Entangled Life, (London, The Bodley Head, 2020)

Starr, M., Wild Mercy (Boulder, Sounds True, 2019)

Sterry, P. & Hughes, B., Collins Complete Guide to British Mushrooms & Toadstools (London, HarperCollinsPublishers, 2009)

051 Sora Surya No: Mind & Spirit Mastery For Entrepreneurs

Sora Surya No works with sovereign spiritual womxn entrepreneurs to incorporate the art of feeling sacred into our business through earth-based practices. Her mission is to remind spiritual womxn leaders that they have an equitable place in entrepreneurship.

What we talked about: 

  • Deep path of spiritual awakening
  • Embracing the archetypal energy of a priestess as a way of realising her full potential to be of great service to herself and her inner work first, and then to her community
  • Honouring and bringing together the divine feminine and masculine in life and business
  • Unpacking preconceived stories we have around ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’
  • Sacred masculine is a container. Makes logic and sense and creating amazing action.
  • Divine harmony is when we weave the masculine and feminine together
  • Sovereign Spiritual Women – women who have businesses and use spiritual practices
  • Becoming aware of blocks. When are you in the conflict triangle?
  • What it means to understand our sovereignty
  • What it means to have boundaries
  • How to deal with your triggers
  • Becoming a viewer of yourself and your habitual roles and patterns, such as roles of victim and persecutor
  • Earth-Based Practices helping us return back into our body and feel our emotions and to recognise what is happening in our mind and then our ethereal bodies. 
  • Practices include mindfulness, mediation, yoga, ritual practices to honour what is around you
  • Awareness of collective consciousness
  • Altar Crafts as holograms that connect our internal energy system with the cosmic realm
  • The Emerald Dragon tablet is a map that helps support women-identifying leaders who not only are deep in their spiritual practice but also desire to work in allowing their business to grow.
  • Sora’s mastermind is a place where women can come together in the sacred business mastermind.  Where they are leading from their hearts, being truly tapped into their emotions and then be informed so that they can use their minds to create brilliant strategies that are in integrity with their values.

Connect with Sora:

Website

Instagram

Facebook

Connect with Mitlé

Website

Facebook

Instagram

 

050 Livvi: Musical Affirmations for Kids

Welcome to the 50th episode of the Spirited Sisters Podcast!

I’m so excited to be celebrating 50 episodes by having this conversation with the incredible Olivia de Sousa-Ferres. She has not only my VA who produces this podcast, but she’s an incredible singer, songwriter and entertainer for children.

She stands for joyous, empowered, happy, confident kids for kids being kids, for kids having fun and for kids believing in themselves.  No matter what.

Her songs contain messages that encourage self-love. In the process of finding and delivering her message for children, Olivia says that she discovered that,

Everything that we want our kids to, to learn, it’s usually a lesson that we have to learn ourselves as adults also.

What we talk about:

  • Her journey to becoming a singer songwriter for children
  • Her creative process
  • Her deep love for and belief in children
  • The value of going within for guidance and direction versus comparison to others
  • Helping children with challenging social situations and exclusion
  • Her songs as affirmations for children
  • What she has learned from the creative process

Connect with Livvi

Website

Facebook

Instagram

Spotify

Apple

You Tube

Connect with Mitlé

Website

Facebook

Instagram